he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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