I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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