the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
