Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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