i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
