just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
