it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There r osticjed everywhere
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
