I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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