Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
