I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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