Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
