I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
