so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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