I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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