Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
