That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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