i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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