there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
