i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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