How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
