My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
