i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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