OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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