I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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