I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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