i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
