DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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