Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
