I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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