Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
