im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
