i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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