it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
