can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
