I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
