dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
