All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
