Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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