I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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