No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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