She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
