Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
