It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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