You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
