And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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