I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can't motorboat a personality
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
