he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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