Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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