i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
