I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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