That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
