I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
