the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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