Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
