.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
