my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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