I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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