Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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