matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
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woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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