Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
People in love make me want to vomit
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
