I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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