Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
