Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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