trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
