Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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