We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
