shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
