I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
