so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
