You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
