I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
