I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
