I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
